Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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