I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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