i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Buhtt sex?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
