Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I believe in your delicious
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