NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
