You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
