I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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