I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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