she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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