I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Couch. On fire.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
