this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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