im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize