do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.