I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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