his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
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I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
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my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.