I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.