I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.