ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch