Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
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My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.