I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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