I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
