you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
