Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
