I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
