i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
