I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Drunk is not a location!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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