the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
