white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
