I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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