When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
