they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
