...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
