she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
where are my eyebrows?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
