I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize