So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
