I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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