you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
