maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
