My hand turned me down
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
