Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
