Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
