How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
