The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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