Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
