we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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