I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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