Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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