She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
