Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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