Umm I'm too high to move.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
