I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
