I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We have so much sex to catch up on
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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