I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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