Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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