and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
