it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
