i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
