bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
