So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude