Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach