Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
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I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.