she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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