i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
