saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
