In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
