I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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