when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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