Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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