I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
