I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
