Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
