today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
