um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
