i love accidental penises.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
