Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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