We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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