I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
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You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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