dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
