Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
