U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
